I couldn’t say no and disappoint someone if I was PAID.
I worked endless hours as a teacher: coaching, mentoring, emailing, planning, correcting, running marathons and whatever else someone asked me to do, no mater how exhausted and frustrated and undervalued I felt. It was for the kids.
I would give up my time (and money) for weddings and showers and birthdays no matter where I had to be or how much it set me in the hole, often going into some major financial debt, not to mention the emotional debt, too. It was their day and I didn’t get a voice.
If I Man called, wanted me, and said what I needed to hear with ZERO action to back it up, I said yes, unprotected and unsatisfied for damn sure. But I just wanted to be loved! (More like saved but...)
When someone needed me, wanted me, called for me, asked for my help, no matter how outrageous the ask was, I was so wrapped up in saying yes, being there, loyal, that I just allowed myself to get sreamrolled. Them over me all day.
Why!?!! Why did I do that?!? And not just once but like all the damn time?!!
Because I felt worthless & unlovable. I thought I did not matter.
There was a part of me who couldn’t love herself as is, who wanted outside validation to TELL HER and to SHOW HER that she was enough, who took anything and everything as attention and accepted it as love...lived so far away from herself and her own worth.
This broken little girl in me who was running the show just gave, chased and sacrificed because she thought if she was just PROVED HERSELF and just did that ONE thing, one more thing, she’d be worth it.
It wasn’t until the death of my dad where I met real pain and couldn’t carry the world for anyone else. All I could do was survive for me...and I have no choice but to let go and start healing my own self.
It isn't easy and even with these tips, it takes TIME and PRACTICE to stay in alignment with your NO and always move toward your own internal YES. Here are some steps using the #ZenRageHeal process to help you start building your confidence to say NO to someone or something that doesn't serve you and YES to yourself.
1. ZEN: Get clear...Your body does NOT lie
It starts sending your signals that something isn't right: maybe you feel an ache in your neck or a knot in your stomach. Those are KEY pieces of information to listen to. Check ins throughout the day with a few breaths and questions of how do I feel right now will help you to notice more of these signals in REAL TIME.
2. RAGE: Activate what you need...Honor your own self care
We can not, I repeat CAN NOT pour from an empty cup. We have to put our own life mask on first! The resentment of over-giving, not being seen is because we often wait for others to do it for us: to SEE US, to validate us and to show us how much we matter. And, at the end of the day, we are the only ones who get to tell us we matter. SO, you have to activate on what you need, start showing up for YOU by taking a walk, a dope fitness class like Sweat Remix (pluggggg), have a dance party and even resting are all ways we can show ourselves that we love, honor and respect our SELF.
3. HEAL: Reflect and stay grounded...Find your support system
Being in a space where you are now showing up differently is not going to go over well for those who have benefitted from your being a damn doormat.
Setting boundaries and saying HELL NO to anything and everything that makes you feel gross is a PRACTICE. Letting go of old patterns and loving that broken little child in us is a PRACTICE.
And with any practice, it takes time. All you have to do is start.
The beauty of what we do here at Sweat Remix is...give you space and permission to access allllll three of these points with the #ZenRageHeal process! We are the best community to help you take care of yourself, get stronger inside and out and give you all the support you need to move through the discomfort of building a new practice.
Join me and let’s move through it.
Just start and we have the rest.