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Powerless?⠀
Lost?⠀
Afraid?⠀
Unsure?⠀
Overwhelmed?⠀
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All of it and more? ⠀
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Been there, babe.
I was a LOSER.⠀
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I allowed myself to get kicked out of his apartment on a weekly basis with all my shit packed in trash bags, crying and carrying them to my car every Saturday afternoon. I’d also be back Sunday to take my trash back in. Neat. ⠀
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“Hi neighbors! It’s just me, again, carrying my life in trash bags, feeling like I am trash, taking out the trash. Have a great one! See ya tomorrow!”⠀
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What a loser! ⠀
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And you know what I lost??? ⠀
⠀
MYSELF!!⠀
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Don’t leave me out here all alone on this one!!?? I know I wasn’t the only loser of myself and my self worth. ⠀
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Almost two years ago, my heart was ripped out, smashed, stabbed and set on fire as I watched him leave my house after an intimate post break up moment together and quickly go into the arms of a young 20-something. ⠀
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When I was crying in my bed over the worst heartbreak I’ve ever felt, losing my dad, losing my friends to suicide and cancer, my career, my dog and now THE relationship with someone who I was creating a life with...wrecked me. I had no more heart to break.⠀
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I realized this is pain said more about ME and the wound I had yet heal. Why was I upset over someone with that character? Why did I want to go back to toxic communication, contempt and criticism? Why wouldn’t I accept the reality of what this was and what would never be? Why didn’t I believe I deserved respect, care, empathy, commitment and so much more?? Why was I afraid to be alone? Where the hell was my self worth?? ⠀
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Ugh. I was 37 and could feel my eggs drying up and my skin losing collagen. I was done stepping in my own shit over and over. ⠀
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I needed more than books, Brené Brown, workouts, meditations, kale, podcasts, and therapy. ⠀
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I got a coach. I fucking ugly cried in our first session, like animal noises and shit. And I painfully did the work. I. DID. MY. WORK. ⠀
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That road to healing ourselves is hard. And what is even harder is repeating this place over and over until it’s healed. ⠀
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So let me ask you: what is worse: Doing this again until you’re 35? 40? 65? Never!? Or putting in the work NOW to elevate yourself out of loss and into a life that is fully powerful??⠀
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Aren’t you sick of your own shit?
COMMENT BELOW
~Angela
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